In the past, relationships shaped me more than anything. I craved the approval of other people and based my worth on how they perceived me.
One toxic relationship I had at 19 sent me on a four year downward spiral of self-loathing, loneliness, and despair. His cruel words made so much sense. And if he, someone I thought loved me, said such things surely they were true.
I was worthless.
Since I felt worthless, I chose friends who treated me that way too–compounding my downward spiral into a mess I never expected. I felt like I was at the bottom of a pit, doomed to a life of disappointment and regret. But something changed.
Someone introduced me to a concept brand new to me: Identity in Christ. I’d believed in God since I was a child, but I never knew God desired a real relationship with me. I thought my belief was more of a “get out of Hell free” sort of ticket into Heaven, and God probably thought I was a lost cause.
However, I discovered God doesn’t create worthless people. People are the ones making each other feel worthless. After years of searching for validation, I finally discovered the satisfaction I craved.
I was worthwhile.
In my experience there are two choices, 2 places, we can seek security:
- Relationships: How other people perceive me determines my worth. If so-and-so says I’m not enough, I’m not enough.
- A Relationship: How God perceives me determines my worth.You are altogether beautiful, my darling, beautiful in every way. Song of Solomon 4:7
Instead of defining myself based on relationships with other people, I define myself based on a relationship with God. When I base my worth on what God thinks, I see myself as He sees me. He sees me as His beloved daughter, His friend, and capable of anything through faith.
The good news is we can move from basing our worth on how others’ perceive us to what God thinks. God is patient, and created us for a relationship with Him. My relationship with God satisfies me in a way no other human relationship can.